A BACKWARDS HISTORY OF MY NEIGHBORS: PART 1

CURRENT

I am living in my parents house right now because I got a place in Chico that wasn't gonna be ready until A COUPLE OF DAYS FROM NOW (I MOVE SOON FUUUUUUCK). I don't know my neighbors at all. To the left of us theres a lady who gets in her car to check the mail box. To the right of us, I don't even know. I remember when I was young in my college career I got home and saw about ten high-school JOCKISH type dudes without shirts rehearsing what was obviously a cheer-leader routine for their school's powder-puff game (thats the only thing that made sense to me anyway) and they were playing some kind of bad rock song and doing a super masculine dance all with fists and arms swinging back and forth and it made me so mad I pulled into my garage and screamed at my steering wheel for a minute. PS: This is all nice suburbs and shit.

SEPTEMBER 2007-MAY 2008

For a brief stint I lived in Eureka CA, which is a horrible city. The city is full of angry selfish hippies and meth addicts. We lived in an older apartment building, and our actual neighbors were nice to us. They were old lady potheads basically. Unfortunately their extended family was constantly hanging around, and they were all fuck-ups and creeps. One guy had a heroin hair-cut and a face tattoo of a bird under his eye (with it's mouth open, ready to catch the tear that was inevitably going to wind up there as well). They were just yelly rednecks who spent their days getting high with their little children around. The apartment reeked of reefers and it seeped through the bathroom ventilation and made OUR apartment reek as well. One day their fuck-head son got kicked out, and Andrew told me he heard them fight: He declared he was moving out for good. And he did, 15 yards away, into a pathetically small RV parked on the street. They powered it with an orange extension cord plugged into his mothers apartment. When I say RV, It's more a camper shell type thing that goes on a pick up truck; About as big as a jail cell. There was him, his wife, and their kid living in it. One day their kid ran up to me and announced: "I HAVE TWO HOUSES! THAT ONE AND THAT ONE! (pointing to the apartment and the trailer respectively). I went inside and started crying.

NEXT UP: JIXBY IN COLLEGE? IT HAPPENED! And I had roommates! HORRIBLE ones!